Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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