Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
