Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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