hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
