Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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