Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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