He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
