she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
