i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
