Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
