john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
