if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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