Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
