Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
