There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
