I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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