When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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