we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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