Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so let's talk penis.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
