Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
