I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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