He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
