A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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