Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
