Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
