At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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