thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
