I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
