I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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