we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
