I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize