The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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