as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
