YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
