I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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