Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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