drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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