oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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