life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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