well you can't waste a boner
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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