She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
