sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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