Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
