Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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