Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
