They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
