I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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