I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
