I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think my fart just growled at me.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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