I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize