that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
