You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
