Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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