I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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