toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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