At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize