JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
