I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
