it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
