Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
