i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will be naked everywhere
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
