There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
