am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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