Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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