Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
