That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You ruined the universe
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
