uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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