Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
