just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
