I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
