I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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