Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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