i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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