The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
