Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
