Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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