THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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