Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
