Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize